last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
