Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Randomize
