Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
