Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
