I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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