Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
