I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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