Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
