Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
as a side note pls kill me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
