They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The Olympian is in my bed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize