lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
