You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
