I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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