my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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