They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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