I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
