You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
