there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish you could order shots online.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
