So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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