Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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