I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
