my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
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Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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