I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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