addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have demons in me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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