Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body

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  (814): I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body http://tfl.nu/xxkq
  Replies (5) Good night (787) Bad night (3040)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?

  (1-509): View more from Washington

  talent.

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  (509): I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy? (1-509): talent. http://tfl.nu/18h3
  Replies (42) Good night (3620) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade

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  (630): I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade http://tfl.nu/zmei
  Replies (22) Good night (4661) Bad night (1801)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.

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  (914): We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night. http://tfl.nu/ey4f
  Replies (6) Good night (2291) Bad night (1566)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.

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  (425): she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco. http://tfl.nu/8uv1
  Replies (19) Good night (6837) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.

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  (508): After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well. http://tfl.nu/5wox
  Replies (11) Good night (3521) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?

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  (409): Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall? http://tfl.nu/ymbz
  Replies (7) Good night (2536) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.

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  (802): Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester. http://tfl.nu/l7en
  Replies (1) Good night (1599) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.

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  (778): I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label. http://tfl.nu/51vc
  Replies (2) Good night (635) Bad night (1642)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

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  (614): She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! http://tfl.nu/awdf
  Replies (5) Good night (1257) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?

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  (303): My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right? http://tfl.nu/xxfc
  Replies (4) Good night (1220) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.

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  (954): I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security. http://tfl.nu/su6q
  Replies (9) Good night (1293) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?

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  (816): The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do? http://tfl.nu/ds79
  Replies (5) Good night (486) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.

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  (+44): Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake. http://tfl.nu/d4ep
  Replies (1) Good night (970) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.

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  (317): I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/c5sn
  Replies (2) Good night (772) Bad night (220)

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