Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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