i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
