Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
