3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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