Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
