i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
