So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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