Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This house was built for laser tag.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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