Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
