that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
