My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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