Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
