Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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