i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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