I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
