Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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