I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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