So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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