Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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