just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
