it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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