I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
