Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
