If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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