Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
