Me. At least after what I've been through.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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