I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
