Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
