dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
