oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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