mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
