we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
