I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
