So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
