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• (518): View more from New York

  you're out of your mind

  (518): View more from New York

  you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear

  (518): View more from New York

  it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence

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• (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

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• (530): View more from California

  He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.

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• (347): View more from New York

  you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.

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