you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize