i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
