you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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