I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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