I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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