just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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