My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
either way he was missing a nipple.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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