I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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