Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
