Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
