It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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