We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
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My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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