just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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