The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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