He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
