i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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