lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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