i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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